这时,潮水越来越大了,天边一根银色的线条,一会儿变成黑色,一会儿又变成白色,渐渐地排山倒海般由远向近而来。由于夜静,这潮水确实是比白天的大,真如千军万马

游客2023-12-11  15

问题     这时,潮水越来越大了,天边一根银色的线条,一会儿变成黑色,一会儿又变成白色,渐渐地排山倒海般由远向近而来。由于夜静,这潮水确实是比白天的大,真如千军万马,两个人面对面讲话都听不到。不知道由于心理作用还是事实如此:夜潮的潮头也高,排列也整齐;潮水到镇海宝塔下,竟成了一根笔直的线,像受检阅的部队,整齐极了,人们还舍不得离开,一直看它急流直下。这时钱塘江对岸的一排信号灯全亮了,真是夜潮更比日潮奇。

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答案    At this time, the sound of the tide got louder. There was a thread of silver oil the far horizon, turning black at this moment, and becoming silver at another. By and by it drew nearer from afar as if it could topple the mountains and overturn the seas. In the still of the night, sounds really are louder than in the day time. It roared like a powerful army with thousands of men and horses, so loud that people could not hear each other talking even if they stood face to face. I was not sure if this was my imagination or a real feeling: tide waves at night were so high and even orderly in alignment. When they reached the foot of Zhenhai Pagoda, the waves became a straight line, as neat as if it were an army under review. After the tide passed by, people were still not willing to leave, gazing at the tide until it ran rapidly afar. At that moment, a line of signal lamps on the other side of the Qiantang River were turned on. The night tide is truly more fantastic than the day tide.

解析 这是一段描写观潮的精彩文字.将钱塘夜潮的气势写得很生动。文字比较朴实,但是简单的文字往往不好翻译,比如第一行中的“一会儿变成黑色,一会儿变成白色”,稍不小心就会让译文非常乏味、稚嫩;而且文中还夹杂些四字成语,比如“排山倒海”、“千军万马”、“急流直下”等。最后一句话是汉语中常用的一种模式,有些同学会死套模式,结果导致副词摆放位置很不自然。
   译文总体非常流畅,节奏把握得也比较恰当。第一行中刚才提及的那句话,译文处理就不错,一方面断句较好,从“天边”断开,使得前后长短相济,富于节奏感,另一方面结构用得不错,两个“变成”没有重复,“一会儿”也用了两种不同的词组,读来很有起伏感。几个四字成语虽然都是从字典上查出来的说法,但是却比较好地融入到文章中,应该说做得不错。比如,“topple the mountains and overturn the seas”就是字典上对应的说法,但是加上了as if it could就能和前面很好地衔接了,虽然复杂了一些,总体效果还是很有气势的。“a powerful army with thousands of men and horses”老老实实的就是“千军万马”,所幸前面有roar这个比较大气的词,能够容纳下这么夸张的一个说法;同学们在查这些成语时至少要做到这篇译文这样才算合格。但是如果不能融入行文中就要果断放弃,选用能表达其核心意思的手段。注意这篇译文中动词主次关系的处理和衔接,都是很清醒的做法,值得学习。
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