The Art of Listening I. In the last lecture, Communication competence:

The Art of Listening
    In the last lecture, we talked in general about how to become a Competent Communicator.
    As I have opinioned, a competent communicator should have such qualities as motivation, knowledge and above all skills to communicate.
    First, personal motivationincreases our competence. That is, perceived competence depends in part on how much a person wants to make a good impression and communicate effectively. People are likely to be more motivated if they are confident and if they see potential rewards.
    Second, communication knowledgeincreases our communication competence. In addition to being motivated, people also need knowledge about communication to be effective. The more people understand how to behave in a given situation, the more likely they are to be perceived as competent.
    Third, skills,as communication skill increases, communication competence increases. People who arc motivated to be effective and who have knowledge about communication must still act in ways that are consistent with their communication knowledge. Skills are goal-oriented actions or action sequences that we can master and repeat in appropriate situations. The more skills you have, the more likely you are to structure your messages to be effective and appropriate.
    The combination of our motivation, knowledge, and skills leads us to perform confidently in our encounters with others.
    In today’s lecture, we shall look at one effective Communication Technique in daily life: the Art of Listening
    Listening is an art that when done well delivers tremendous benefits. The goal of listening well is to achieve win-win communication.
    Win-win communication not only fosters understanding, affirmation, validation and appreciation, but it also creates an atmosphere of trust, honor and respect. When someone truly listens to you, don’t you feel special and honored?
    Listening well is a two-way street, and to be effective communicators, we must all listen well to each other. One-way listening can be equated to driving down a one-way street the wrong way. It’s dangerous, it can get you into trouble and it can be expensive.
    On the contrary, being able to listen well renders us the most obvious benefits
    Someone who listens well easily establishes rapport with others, hence teamwork.
    Good listeners attract others because they focus on the speaker completely.
    They have a positive energy that makes you want to be in their company.
    They are effective in their jobs because, by listening and asking the appropriate questions, they know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.
    Listen closely to your intuition. The best example of this is to observe how blind people communicate. Since they do not have the gift of sight, they focus on their other gifts and develop them. Their hearing is acute, and they can read people by focusing on a person’s voice attitude and the words that the person uses.
    Good Listening Skills: Listening well is a skill that requires practice.
(1) Listen Actively
    Be attentive—concentrate on what is being said.
    Be impartial—don’t form an opinion, just listen.
    Reflect back—restating what has been said helps the speaker know that you understand.
    Summarize—pull together the important messages so that you and the speaker recognize what was important during the conversation.
(2) Nonverbal Message
    Posture—let your body show that you are interested by sitting up and leaning toward the speaker.
    Equal positioning —if the speaker is standing, you stand. If the speaker is sitting, you sit as well.
    Facial expression —remember that feelings are reflected in facial expressions.
    Gestures —your body language reveals a lot about how you interpret a message, so be aware of when you send signals that might cause the speaker to believe that you are angry, in a hurry, bored, etc.
(3) Express Thoughts and Feelings
    Be open and honest —collaboration between parents and professionals begins with the understanding that you trust each other with all information.
    Speak clearly—don’t mumble and don’t talk too quietly. If you don’t know the word for something, describe what you mean so that you and the speaker can have a shared understanding of your concern or question.
(4) Communicate Without Being Adversarial
    Express concerns non-judgmentally —talk about your questions or concerns without blaming other people. For ex ample, you might be angry that your child is not receiving enough speech therapy. Rather than talk about the speech therapist not doing his/her job, discuss your idea of how often your child should receive this service.
    Use "I" messages. Rather than say, "You didn’t explain that very well," say, "I didn’t understand what you just said. Please explain it again. "
    Poor Listening Skills
    A poor listener,
    May be abrupt and/or give one-word answers such as no, yes, and maybe.
    Will be easily distracted.
    In person, the listener may look around the room as opposed to focusing on the speaker’s face.
    Over the telephone, the listener may be opening mail, reading e-mail, filing, playing with hair, a pencil or a tie, anything that preempts focusing on the speaker.
    Constantly interrupts, making the speaker feel that what he or she has to say is not important.
    The listener finishes the other person’s sentences, implying that the listener already knows what the speaker is about to say.
    Changes the subject without even realizing it.
    Looks at his watch, signaling that you are wasting his time.
    OK. To Sum up, today we have talked about some good listening skills. Remember that effective listening can open many doors. If you listen with your eyes, your ears and your mind, you will always get the information you need.