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Ruth Ann and Robert Lipic knew their children could make mistakes that could
Ruth Ann and Robert Lipic knew their children could make mistakes that could
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2023-08-02
55
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Ruth Ann and Robert Lipic knew their children could make mistakes that could last a lifetime—maybe even shorten a lifetime. As former chairwoman of the Illinois chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, Ruth Ann is well aware of the dangerous combination of teens, alcohol and cars. All three boys are now in their 20s, and "we’re proud of them," she says.
The Lipics are not alone. In recent years many parents have thought they had to engage in action of spying to watch their kids closely. The reason for parental anxiety is clear. A 1999 report by the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan showed that about 62 percent of high school seniors reported having gotten drunk. The report also indicated that about 42 percent had used drugs in the last year.
Another survey shows that roughly 50 percent of high school girls and boys have engaged in the sexual intercourse(性交). Internet sex merchants and chatroom stalkers add to this trouble.
What isn’t as clear is the rightness of parents’ spying on their children. Is it right to read children’s diaries, search their rooms, tail them to hangouts? Conscientious parents can be found on both sides of the issue.
Some people believe that protection of a teen outweighs the right to privacy. Yvonne Webster, a mother of four boys aged 11 to 24, worried when she heard rumors that gangs were penetrating the local high school. "I got very nervous," she said. Fearing her two older sons were not telling her all she needed to know, she talked with their friends to find out what was going on at the school. "They were getting into shouting matches with students," she said of her sons. "But that was it."
She also searched the boy’s rooms and went through their pockets, but she never found any evidence of a problem. To her, spying was justified, though she has not seen a need to do it with her younger sons. "Kids are precious, and we all need to be respectful of them," Webster said. "But when they enter high school and we see the problems they could be influenced by, we have to find ways to protect them. If spying is the route we have to take, I would do it."
She has plenty of company. The owner of The Spy Shop Inc., on Chicago’s Near North Side estimates that 20 percent of his business in video-monitoring equipment is for families, including parents spying on their latchkey children(挂钥匙儿童). Home drug-testing is another market that’s growing steadily. Bill Minor, marketing director for drug-test manufacturer Psychemedics Corp, said his company began offering the kits(装备) for home use several years ago at the request of parents. The kits require a snippet(片段) of hair to be sent to the company for analysis; results are available in about a week.
But espionage(间谍活动) can be dangerous to parent-child relationship, cautions Fran Stott, dean of academic programs at a graduate school in child development. "Spying is hostile," she explained, and might undermine any foundation of mutual trust a parent needs to build with a teenager.
"As parents, we are very anxious not to let children make mistakes, and our anxiety only causes more problems than it solves," Scott said. "That is not to say there aren’t times when teenagers show signs we need to take very seriously—evidence of drug use, an eating disorder or a drinking problem. It is our job as parents to sort it out. I personally would try to do it in a more straight-forward way."
Severe distress will show itself in ways that don’t require spying, she said, such as drastic changes in moods and grades or associations with new friends. Loving but not confrontation is a better approach than spying, said Stott. And if parents see evidence of severe trouble, she added, "Seek professional help. Your goal is not to stir your own anger; your goal is to help your child."
Teens tend to agree with Stott. "There are things teenagers need to experience on their own", said Brittany Cable, 17. "It helps you mature faster." She added of her parents, "If they need to find something out, they should just ask me and I’ll let them know."
Even Minot suggests avoiding the espionage approach when using the home drug tests. "We recommend that you talk with your child and show him the collection device so it becomes a deterrent," he said. "Get one and leave it on the shelf."
As the mother of five, aged 14 to 20, Carolyn Sehmer has engaged more in soft spying, such as straining to listen to phone calls, until she is sure all is well. But her best method, she says, is volunteering at her children’s school, where she picks up good information on the entire teen culture.
Barbara Cavanagh, whose seven children range from five to twenty-four, agrees that many kids do not talk openly, but she is uncomfortable with the idea of spying. Instead, her approach is to limit the opportunities for wrong-doing. "Loving them to death, but don’t trust them," she said. "It doesn’t mean I don’t respect their privacy. But things like sleepovers in high school no way! I just say no."
A child’s safety should outweigh any worry about espionage, according to social worker Dave Clinton, who works at an alternative school for disturbed children. But this applies only if parents have legitimate reasons to be concerned.
"You wonder what is in that dresser, in that diary," Clinton said. "It is not a good idea to invade that space. That’s off limits unless there is some clear provocation. Then I’m not snooping(窥视); I’m worried. Kids can understand reasons, but not snooping."
That sentiment echoes the views of Laura Schlessinger, a radio adviser. "Parents are to respect their children’s nest and stuff," she says. "However, when a parent has reason to believe that there might be a problem—sex, drugs, criminality, for example—it is their obligation to use whatever means necessary to help and protect their child. Children who are off track don’t generally talk openly to their parents out of guilt, shame, emotional problems, foolishness, etc."
As the Lipics see it, children aren’t born deserving trust; they earn it. They spied on their sons "so they could develop some credibility with us," Robert Lipic explains. "Then we felt very comfortable." Once the boys proved worthy of trust, they received it. But many of those sensitive to the subject of family espionage, even those who resorted to spying, urged this bottom line caution: be careful, these are your children.
选项
A、Y
B、N
C、NG
答案
B
解析
按照文章第二段的相关内容来看,这份报告讲的是62%的高中高年级学生曾经喝醉过酒,而不是指所有的高中学生。
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