Advice for Students: How to Talk to Professors I. IntroductionA.

Advice for Students: How to Talk to Professors
    Good afternoon. Today I’d like to give you advice on how to talk to professors. A while back, I recommended that students get to know their professors. I realize, though, that many students are intimidated or put off by their professors. This is especially so when students need something—a favor, special help with an assignment, or a second chance on a test.
    It doesn’t need to be that way. Professors are people, just like everyone else, and if you approach your professors with the same basic respect and decency you offer everyone else you interact with, you’ll probably find that they react with the same.
    There are, though, a few things that you should keep in mind when you talk to your professors, especially if you’re going to ask for a particular favor:
    The first thing you should remember to do is: call them by the right title. A "Doctor" is someone with a PhD; not all professors have a PhD. "Professor" is usually appropriate, unless you’ve been told otherwise. I prefer to be called by my first name, and I make that point clearly on the first day of class; if your professor hasn’t said anything about this, you’re better off not using their first name. If you’re totally unsure, a "Mr." or "Ms." is usually fine. Do not use "Mrs." unless the professor herself uses it.
    Secondly, no matter under what situations, tell the truth. After the first couple of semesters of teaching, your average professor has much heard it all. It’s a sad fact, but true nonetheless, that we grow jaded and take all students’ excuses with a grain of salt. If a professor thinks he or she is being played, they’re not going to respond very well to whatever request you have to make, so you might as well be honest. If you feel you absolutely must lie, at least make it a huge flaming whopper of a lie, so the professor can get a good laugh when they share it at the next faculty meeting.
    Thirdly, be prepared to do the work. If you’ve missed an assignment or a test or are falling behind in your reading, and you are seeking help to get caught up or a special dispensation to make up the assignment, you’d better be prepared to do the work—and generally under more difficult circumstances. I get the impression that a lot of students imagine I might just say "don’t worry about it, I’ll give you the points anyway", which, of course, is not going to happen.
    Fourthly, be clear and concise. Unless you’re paying a "social call", get to the point quickly: tell your professor what you need or want and be done with it. Don’t spend 30 minutes explaining your childhood and family arrangements and how hard it is getting a job with a few felony convictions on your record and blah blah blah for a 10-point assignment. Simply say "Professor, I missed an assignment, can I make it up? Can I do something else?"
    Lastly, remember to pay social calls. Your professor is probably required by school policy to be in his or her office and available to students for a set number of hours per week. On top of that, most professors like talking to students—it’s part of the reason we took the job. Pay your professor a visit or two, just to talk. Tell him or her about the work you’re interested in or about problems you’re having. Build relationships with your professors—at the very least, they’ll remember you when you call up three years later asking for a reference letter.
    On the other hand, there are things you should remember not to do:
    First of all, do not, under any circumstances, flirt. The days of professors marrying their promising students are long, long gone. Nowadays, even the hint of favoritism can ruin a professor’s career—let alone any actual relationship-type behavior. Unless your professor is a total sleazebag, any sign of flirtation will make him or her shut down immediately. They simply cannot risk it.
    Second, don’t always prepare for satisfaction. Depending on how far you’ve let your studies slide, there might not be anything a professor can do and still be fair to the rest of his or her students. Or it might not be technically possible: arranging make-up tests, for example, is difficult. Your professor probably spent hours writing his or her syllabus, and probably spent another hour explaining it to you at the beginning of the class, so he or she’s got a lot invested in the rules it explains. So often a professor won’t or can’t help you. Your only option might be to shift into damage control, see what you can do, and ask honestly if you can continue in the class.
    Third, don’t threaten. Professors get threatened with lawsuits a lot, and even threats of physical violence are not unheard of when things don’t go a student’s way. Obviously, professors aren’t going to respond very well to threats. If you find yourself needing to resort to threats, chances are you probably don’t have much of a reason for a professor to help you out, and you should start thinking about how to do better next time.
    As I said, most professors will respond in kind if you treat them openly and decently. We didn’t become professors because we wanted to make students’ lives miserable. We became professors out of a passion for our disciplines and a desire to share our knowledge with you. As a general rule, professors respect commitment and genuine curiosity, and will go out of their way to help if they feel you are honestly interested in doing well. On the other hand, professors get to feeling pretty used by the numerous students who work hard only at gaming the system, and if they feel you’re one of those students, they’re not likely to bend very far to make life easier for you. Good luck!