Stop Being a People Pleaser1. Say "no"Give reasons instead of【T1】excus

Stop Being a People Pleaser
    Good afternoon. Today’s topic might speak to a lot of you here: Are you a people pleaser? Are you sick of being "too nice"? If you happen to be a people pleaser, then people are always taking advantage of you. You’re also probably not getting what you want out of life. Stop thinking about what would make others happy and focus on what you need. It’s time to shift the focus from others to yourself.
    You could start with saying "no". [1]Don’t make up excuses—give your reasons for not wanting something. For example, your husband wants his entire family to come to Christmas dinner, and you just can’t face it. [2]Say, "I’m sorry darling, I find the pressure of entertaining such a large number of people intolerable."
    Your best friend wants you to go with him to a party that will be full of people that you can’t stand? [3]Say, "No thanks, Bob. It’s just not my scene." You don’t have to say "Seriously, Bob? Your friends are all jerks." [3]A simple "no, thanks" will generally suffice.
    Start small by finding something small to say "no" to, [4]and say it firmly. Say it politely, but mean it! You’ll be surprised the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense, and those that do aren’t worth pleasing.
    [5]Then, constantly evaluate your boundaries. Compare those to the limits you set on others. To what extent are you willing to restrict your openness to being used by others? What is acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable? Being able to analyze this factor allows you to measure what can be done for others and what shouldn’t be done for others in a much more objective manner. Is that the same for you and for others? Do you accept the unacceptable? [6]Tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the abnormal? [7]Do you know what it feels like to be treated with dignity and respect? Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.
    [8]Last but not least, stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people. It’s noble that you want to help others, but it’s something you should do because you want to, not because you feel you have to. The willingness to help others should come after you know how to help yourself.
    [9]The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice, not out of fear or guilt. If you’re helping others to such an extent that you are neglecting yourself, is that really wise? [10]And, if you’re doing things for others because you would feel bad if you didn’t, is the action really genuine? Would you want others to help you for the same reason?
    Please remember: never think that the world around you will collapse if you fail to please a person. After all, it can be difficult to improve your own life when you’re too busy accommodating others.