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Back in 1964, in his book Games People Play, psychiatrist Eric Berne describe
Back in 1964, in his book Games People Play, psychiatrist Eric Berne describe
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2024-03-11
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问题
Back in 1964, in his book Games People Play, psychiatrist Eric Berne described a pattern of conversation he called "Why Don’t You—Yes But", which remains one of the most irritating aspects of everyday social life. The person adopting the strategy is usually a chronic complainer. Something is terrible about their relationship, job, or other situation, and they moan about it ceaselessly, but find some excuse to dismiss any solution that’s proposed. The reason, of course, is that on some level they don’t want a solution; they want to be validated in their position that the world is out to get them. If they can "win" the game—dismissing every suggestion until their interlocutor (对话者) gives up in annoyance—they get to feel pleasurably righteous (正当的) in their resentments and excused from any obligation to change.
Part of the trouble here is the so-called responsibility/fault fallacy (谬误). When you’re feeling hard done by—taken for granted by your partner, say, or obliged to work for a half-witted boss—it’s easy to become attached to the position that it’s not your job to address the matter, and that doing so would be an admission of fault. But there’s a confusion here. For example, if I were to discover a newborn at my front door, it wouldn’t be my fault, but it most certainly would be my responsibility. There would be choices to make, and no possibility of avoiding them, since trying to ignore the matter would be a choice. The point is that what goes for the baby on the doorstep is true in all cases: even if the other person is 100% in the wrong, there’s nothing to be gained, long-term, from using this as a justification to evade responsibility.
Should you find yourself on the receiving end of this kind of complaining, there’s an ingenious way to shut it down—which is to agree with it, ardently. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb describes this as "over-validation". For one thing, you’ll be spared further moaning, since the other person’s motivation was to confirm her beliefs, and now you’re confirming them. But for another, as Gottlieb notes, people confronted with over-validation often hear their complaints afresh and start arguing back. The notion that they’re utterly powerless suddenly seems unrealistic—not to mention rather annoying—so they’re prompted instead to generate ideas about how they might change things.
"And then, sometimes, something magical might happen," Gottlieb writes. The other person "might realise she’s not as trapped as you are saying she is, or as she feels." Which illustrates the irony of the responsibility/fault fallacy: evading responsibility feels comfortable, but turns out to be a prison; whereas assuming responsibility feels unpleasant, but ends up being freeing. [br] What is characteristic of a chronic complainer, according to psychiatrist Eric Berne?
选项
A、They only feel angry about their ill treatment and resent whoever tries to help.
B、They are chronically unhappy and ceaselessly find fault with people around them.
C、They constantly dismiss others’ proposals while taking no responsibility for tackling the problem.
D、They lack the knowledge and basic skills required for successful conversations with their interlocutors.
答案
C
解析
细节辨认题。定位句指出。采取这种策略的人通常是一个习惯性抱怨的人。这种策略就是文章首句中精神病学家埃里克-伯恩描述的对话模式。紧接着第三句描述了习惯性抱怨的人的特征;他们的人际关系、工作或其他情况出现了糟糕的事情,他们不停地抱怨,然而却找借口拒绝他人提议的任何解决方案。第五句又指出,他们可以免除任何做出改变的义务。选项C)中的dismiss other’s proposals对应原文中的dismiss any solution that’s proposed,选项C)中的taking no responsibility对应原文中的excused from any obligation,由此可确定答案为C)。
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