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  3. Can you spot a good marriage? I was pretty sure I could, starting with my own

Can you spot a good marriage? I was pretty sure I could, starting with my own

游客2023-12-22  64
问题    Can you spot a good marriage? I was pretty sure I could, starting with my own. My husband and I rarely argued, we had similar careers, and we shared common interests. So nobody was more surprised than we were when our 17-year marriage ended in divorce. It turns out I had been judging my marriage by the wrong standards-as most of us do. In one famous study, researchers asked therapists, married couples, and others to watch videotaped conversations of ten couples and try to identify the relationships that had broken up. Even the therapists guessed wrong half the time.
   Luckily, scientists have identified some simple but powerful indicators that can help you recognize marital strife long before your relationship hits the skids. For instance, a couple go hiking on their first date. They marry, and years later, the wife tells this story: "We got terribly lost that day. It took us hours to find our way back, but we laughed about how neither of us had a good sense of direction. After that, we knew not to plan another hiking trip!" Another wife might tell it a different way: "He lost the map, and it took hours to find our way back. After that, I never wanted to go hiking again. " The keeper marriage? The one in which the positive is accentuated and the problems laughed off.
   Research shows that it’s not what you say but how you say it: Your emphasis will correctly predict the success or failure of your marriage about 90 percent of the time. To size up your relationship, ask yourself these questions. Do you:
   Avoid arguments?
   Studies show it’s a mistake to judge a relationship by the amount of time you argue, especially early on. When I was first married, I felt lucky that my husband and I rarely fought. A University of Washington study of newly wed couples appeared to confirm my belief: It showed that couples who argued relatively little were happier than combative ones. When the same couples were checked three years later, however, those with an early history of bickering were more likely to have found stability in their marriages, whereas couples who prided themselves on their equanimity were in troubled relationships or already divorced. Of course, violence or verbal abuse is never acceptable.
   Roll your eyes?
   This seemingly harmless gesture is a clear sign of marital discord. The same researchers at the University of Washington found that eye rolling, even when accompanied by a laugh or smile, indicates some degree of contempt—poison to a relationship. "This kind of sarcastic gesture doesn’t clearly state an objection, which makes it difficult for the other person to respond," says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser at the Ohio State University College of Medicine. "The obvious first step is to stop the behavior. But the second is to explore the reasons behind it. "
   Duck decisions?
   I often deferred to my husband when it came to making weekend or vacation plans. Later I realized our social life didn’t reflect my favourite activities—a relationship red flag. Psychologist Howard Markman, a professor at the University of Denver, agrees. It’s risky for your relationship when one of you controls the social agenda, he says. [br] According to the study of University of Washington, couples with an early history of contending in a petty way were more likely______.
选项 A、to avoid arguments
B、to keep marriage going
C、to roll their eyes and to duck decisions
D、to endure unhappy relationship
答案 B
解析
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