Five Common Mistakes in Conversations and Their Solutions Ⅰ. Not lis

Good morning. Today’s lecture will focus on the 5 most common mistakes in conversations and the ways to avoid them. Can you improve your conversation skills? Certainly.
    It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible. Let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations. And there are some solutions.
    First mistake, not listening. Ernest Hemingway once said: "I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. " Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying. When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. [1]But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information. If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask: "Where did you go fishing?" or  "What do you like most about fishing?" You may also ask "What did you do there besides fishing?" The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from. If they say something like: "Oh, I don’t know" at first, don’t give up. Prod a little further. Ask again. They do know; they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up, the conversation becomes more interesting.
    The second mistake is [2]asking too many questions. If you ask too many questions, the conversation can feel like a bit  of an  interrogation. Or like  you  don’t  have  that  much to  contribute. [3]One alternative is to mix questions with statements. And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages or disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.
    Third mistake, poor delivery. One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. There are 6 things to think about:
    1. Slowing down. When you get excited about something, it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try to slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
    2. Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
    3. [5]Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
    4. [4]Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
    5. Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts  or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying.
    6. [6]Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.
[7]Fourth mistake, talking about a weird or negative topic. If you’re at a party or somewhere where you are just getting to know some people, you might want to avoid some topics. Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guys understand or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from. [8]You might also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.
    Last but not least, being boring. Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam. One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life,  [9]and to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job. People don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you were buying clothes, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny or exciting. Another way is just to be genuinely interested. As Dale Carnegie said  "You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you, which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one. " [10]Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease. As you’ve probably experienced with other people, this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.
    Okay, just to sum up. Today we’ve talked about five easily made mistakes in a conversation. These mistakes can be well-improved if you follow our solutions. Although the list is not complete, I hope it would be helpful.