How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Introduction - Ti

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
   In today’s lecture, we are going to talk about how to stop comparing yourself to others. Let me start by asking you a question: Who do you most frequently compare yourself to? If you’re not sure, try this question: Who have you compared yourself to in the last 24 hours?
   You can try to answer this question silently. Here we will begin today’s lecture. We are all social media users. But I avoid mindlessly scrolling through social media feeds as much as possible. As part of my work— I speak and write about wellness, resilience, burnout and mental health— I read the studies that show that time on social media feeds increases depression and envy and decreases well-being. This motivates me to use social media purposefully, specifically choosing what I will look at and keeping it to a minimum.
   I’ve written previously about developing awareness about the impact of your social media posts on others. I stopped posting pictures from my vacations years ago. Share those, perhaps, with a limited audience, maybe close family and friends who really want to see them. But...ask yourself first if they really want to see them. Before you show anything to anyone, review what you know about their life. When’s the last time they went on a tropical vacation? Maybe they dream of going to the tropics but have never had (and may never have) the opportunity. You’d be surprised how many people don’t actually enjoy pictures of you lounging by a clear blue sea with a coconut drink in your hand.
   Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So in addition to provoking comparison and  therefore stealing the joy of others, you should get yourself out of the comparison trap.
   Here are some tips:
   First of all, become aware of your thoughts and avoid your triggers.
   Start noticing the situations that cause you to play the comparison game. Make a list of who and what you frequently envy or compare yourself to. Write how each negatively affects you, and why it’s actually a waste of your time. Resolve to catch yourself next time. Avoid comparison triggers if you can, especially if the activity or contact doesn’t add meaning or any real value to your life.
   Secondly, remind yourself that other people’s “outsides” can’t be compared to your “insides”.
   This is such a helpful habit to cultivate. Unless you’re really close to someone, you can’t use their outward appearance to judge the reality of their life. You may have had the experience, as I have, of being shocked when a couple that appeared to be happy and solid announce their divorce. Continue to wish others well, of course, but in the event that their life gives you reason to feel bad about yours, remind yourself that you don’t actually know what goes on behind closed doors. Besides, repeat whenever necessary: “Money doesn’t buy happiness, and never will.” It’s well established that wealth, beyond having the basics in life, isn’t associated with increased happiness or well-being. I used to perform dance at an exclusive resort frequented by celebrities and the mega-wealthy, and a manager there once told me that she’d never seen so many unhappy people in her life. Money and things provide temporary boosts of joy; their inevitable inability to provide lasting happiness is usually more disappointing than anything else.
   Finally, be grateful for the good in your life, and resist any lies that shout “It’s not enough.”
   If you commit yourself to being deeply grateful for what’s good in your life, and remind yourself of it daily, you’ll be far less vulnerable to comparison and envy. If someone or something triggers that ugly feeling of negative comparison, stop and remind yourself of what’s good in your life, right now.
   That’s all for today’s lecture. Thank you very much.