In most messages, there is an obvious meaning that a literal reading of the

In most messages, there is an obvious meaning that a literal reading of the words and sentences reveals. But there is often another level of meaning. Sometimes, it’s the (36) opposite of the expressed literal meaning; sometimes it seems totally (37) unrelated. In reality, few messages have only one level of meaning. Most (38) function on two or three levels at the same time. (39) Consider some of these frequently heard messages: a friend asks you how you like his new haircut. Another friend asks you how you like her painting. On one level, the meaning is (40) explicit. However, it’s reasonable to assume, that on another level your friends are asking you to say something (41) positive—about his appearance, about her (42) artistic ability. To appreciate these other meanings, you need to engage in depth listening.
    When listening interpersonally, be particularly (43) sensitive to different levels of meaning. If you respond only to the literal meaning, (44) you’ll miss the opportunity to make meaningful contact with the other person’s feelings and real needs. For example, if you say to your parent, "You’re always complaining. I bet you really love working so hard," (45) you may be failing to answer a very real call for understanding and appreciation.
    In regulating your surface and depth listening, focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages. Recognize both consistent and inconsistent "packages" of messages, (46) and take these cues as guides to the meaning the speaker is trying to communicate. Ask questions when in doubt. Listen also to what is omitted.