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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight I’m going to talk about the ways that can help us to influence others.
The habit of focusing on one thing or one person at a time is a critical skill in running any business. Paying attention to other people, in addition to being the best way to learn from them, happens to be one of the most powerful means of influencing them. And influencing others is what leadership is about — getting other people to get things done.
If your boss or colleague likes to "multitask" during meetings with you, you recognize pretty quickly what that signals: You’re not as important as the next e-mail or phone call. And that’s the worst signal you can send: ff officemates seek anything from each other, it is to be taken seriously and to command respect.
As Robert Cialdini points out in his best-selling book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, courtesy works as an influence technique because people are much more likely to do things for — and accede to requests from — people they like. And we’re much more likely to feel warmly toward people who flatter us and make us feel good about ourselves.
Jack Valenti, who is soon to step down after 38 years running the Motion Picture Association of America, ranks as one of Washington’s master influencers; the organization’s considerable clout has a lot to do with Valenti’s personal touch. As Valenti explained to my students recently, he returns all his phone calls — not just from legislators, but also from their low-ranking staffers. He recognizes the importance of congressional staff, and that a personal call from the head of the MPAA is much better than a call from one of his underlings.
Many other highly successful motivators — Warren Buffett, Colgate’s Reuben Mark, Intel’s Craig Barren-likewise use personal courtesy and listening as strategic Weapons. All are said to make whoever they’re listening to feel like the center of the universe at that moment, and the payoff is fierce loyalty. As UBS stock analyst Andrew McQuilling, who has followed Colgate for seven years, has said of Mark, "His employees would take a bullet for him."
How can the rest of us work that kind of magic? If paying rapt attention to others doesn’t come naturally, reforming your ways is more difficult than you may think. Making eye contact with someone, for example, is a great idea, but it doesn’t mean much if you can’t get your brain to focus on the person you’re looking at.
However I suppose it’s a start. So are a handful of very obvious gestures, like turning off your cell phone at meetings, resisting the urge to interrupt, and setting aside e-mail for an hour.
The incorrigible multi-tasker, of course, will argue that there isn’t enough time to answer so many phone calls and meeting requests, that e-mail is much more efficient at getting things done. I don’t buy it: If you’re constantly giving people the brash-off; consider how much time you’re spending avoiding people, compared with the 60 seconds it takes to pay attention to someone, one time. And that one time can make a colleague a lifelong ally.